"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
