i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
