she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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