i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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