So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We named our party play list daddy issues
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
