you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
