just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
