So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
my poor anus
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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