chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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