Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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