This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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