Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
