ugly people sure do ruin things
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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