she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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