can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
