she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize