He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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