Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
