I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
