I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
