I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Randomize
