her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
