You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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