My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
