That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
