Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
