Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize