she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
