Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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