question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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