I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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