weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
