where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
