Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
