omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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