she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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