if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
