how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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