so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
