What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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