Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
