his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
