if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
