Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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