I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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