Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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