I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have feelings that need drinking.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
