he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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