i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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