can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
