I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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