Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
