I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
3 2 1 whiskey
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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