I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
