I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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