Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
