You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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