too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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