party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
