i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize