don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
