those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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