So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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