a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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