One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
