I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
